So for the last few days this quote has been stuck in my head. I'm not sure how I feel about it, but it seems really right and I like the quote a lot and have, at least somewhat, taken it to heart.

"Guys regret the ones they don't sleep with. Girls regret the ones they do sleep with."

I'm not going to lie. I came into college wanting to "find myself" and "find who I was." I totally failed in that. Every year I changed more and more and even now I have no clue who the hell I am.

I came into college to "figure out what I want to do with my life" and yet I sit here just as confused about that too.

I'm fucking confused and lost and lord knows what. Am I the only one?

Wow. That was such a fun night. I'd love to do it up again like that. Seriously haha. I hope it's like that in the future, too. Like, I've never had that much fun with just two people at a bar. Wow. That was awesome.

I love these contacts.

They're a pain in the ass to take in and out, but so awesome regardless. It only took 18 years to get done haha.

Finally have figured out what I want my next tattoo to be. Now I gotta figure out where to put it on my right arm.

.

Drunk or not nights like tonight make me think.

It is time to start a screenplay.

Looking back on conversations is extremely funny and sheds new light on things. I haven't laughed so hard in so long.

I've been having way too many deja vu in my head lately. That and I'm seriously drifting off way too much these days (a la JD having his day-dreams), it's weird.

But yeah.

Hmm. I'm actually feeling kind of normal for once. It's weird. No stress (knocking on wood of course) at all finally.

Instead, I laughed at two random thoughts today:
1) I haven't been an emo-drunk for quite some time now. That's somewhat bad news for the upcoming week hahaha. I'm a complete joke when I'm an emo-drunk though, so if that does happen I will enjoy it regardless. I suppose it's somewhat better than the horny or anti-social drunk forms I also dabble in.

2) Not saying haha. It's just kinda funny.

10 Episodes left to watch of Scrubs. Wow. Then that'll be three times through it.

1) I need to stop smoking. Well, I guess I don't have to stop smoking, but it's a good one to start off with. Basically it's just nice to know I don't have money to support a smoking habit so I'm in the clear. If I did though, I could tell I'd easily kill myself smoking cloves every day.

Seriously, I'm "up" to two a day. Of course, this accounts for the fact I have one pack to myself and there's only 20 in a pack so that'd last ten days. Basically if I had the money it'd be more like five a day. But since I don't have the money, the habit goes down the drain as well, and with it my addictive personality

2) I shaved today. Now, this is not out of the ordinary. However, I decided to shave off the chin goatee as well, at least for the week. I only mention this because I currently am obsessed with my chin and believe I'm developing a chin dimple. Granted it always looked great on Travolta, but I'm not sure how that'd look on me. Either way it's fun to touch haha.

And that's all I've got, really. I'm boring. I suck.

So I had a dream last night. Nothing unusual obviously. But it was weird because yeah, it occured at the house. But Grandma was in it. Acting like she normally used to, doing something or another in the kitchen. But I couldn't talk to her. Instead I ran out the front door. I don't know why. I never go out the front door. Guess I need to stop avoiding the grave.

Maybe this is why I may never let dad legally adopt me. Lord knows if I had a daughter she'd be ruined.

A quick thought before I go ahead and do nothing for the rest of the day.

I've been up for just over three hours, and I've looked at my phone about only 20 times today in those three hours.

For those of you who don't understand, at work, I'm like a chronic phone-keeping-me-occupied person. I can't not look at it. I'll do 20 times an hour at least, a lot more if text messages are being exchanged.

It's crazy what actually hanging out with a person does. It literally takes one's mind off the world. And no this isn't a new concept or anything. It's just the first time I've experienced it in the month that I've been home now. If I can do this for the entire day it would be a minor accomplishment.

I need a nap though. I'm exhausted. Literally. While the sleep I got was great, I didn't actually go to sleep until 4.

That might be the only reason why off days are nice - I make my own nap hours. Today's could be from now until 3.

It's actually quite strange finally changing my journal. Especially to pick a cliche background. But hey, change can be good at times. Mine was far too bland before. This has a tiny bit more life to it. I just wish there was a way to get rid of that gawdy thing up top.

By the way, gawdy is a funny word. So is wreak. I like them both.

I'm sore. Very sore. 7000 pounds worth of books moved today, two things of vomit cleaned up, a flag day ceremony having to be rushed inside because of a thunderstorm, setting up for a poetry reading and approximately 40 minutes of rest all day as well as a half hour of overtime. Oh and a slammed a door on my pointer finger so now that's hurting as well.

And yet, I cannot fall asleep nor am I tired at all.

Friday the 13th for ya, eh? It's too bad I love unlucky days and hate the lucky ones (i.e. St. Patrick's Day...minus the excuse for drinking).

Sometimes I feel like my life is the Truman Show. I've said that before. But I really swear it is.

Seriously, I know it's absurd. But my paranoia about the whole damn thing is bad. Either the Holy Spirit totally has taken a vested interst in my life, or a tv crew's pulling strings.

I need to buy that movie this weekend.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080610/ap_on_re_us/nevada_governor_divorce

Not even 900 in a month? Pssssh. I've got his lame ass beat. I mean seriously. Lauren and I went through 200 in three hours so he can piss off.

Maybe I shouldn't be gloating about that, but hey, they paint him out to be a bad guy so I must be the anti-christ.

I think I'm going to need round 12 of Garden State soon.

We held hands on the last night on earth.
Our mouths filled with dust, we kissed in the fields and under trees,
screaming like dogs, bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town but we knew everyone floated
along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste where the road curved into the sea
and the shattered seasons lay,
and the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disease.
In our cancer of passion you said, "Death is a midnight runner."

The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into shapes
of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echoes of the past broke the hearts of the unborn
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skittered away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom and asked
if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two.
I rode alone.

You said, "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair, and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savagery and eloquence.
Of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun was stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines.
Still, we lay under the emptiness and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness we found salvation scratched
into the earth like a message.